Wednesday, December 4, 2013

hurt, broken, jaded, s e a s o n e d.

if you've lived any life at all, you've been hurt.
if you've loved anyone at all, you've been broken.
if you've experienced both, you've most likely been jaded.

yikes, not what i signed up for.

but here's the thing...
we're gonna go through it at some point, there WILL be something.
you'll lose something, someone, a marriage, a job, your health, your future, a dream.
it's inevitable.. whether you feel it now or not. it will come.
but it is up to us, it's our choice how we come out on the other side.

i've seen the jaded.
i've hung out with them, (for always a minute too long..)
i don't like the taste it leaves in my mouth.
i stop asking how they are doing.
they drain the life from everyone they meet.
their pity party only lasts for a short while... then everyone just wants to go home.
no amount of words or encouragement fill them with hope. or joy.
and i give up on them.
i know you know a jaded one, or two.

then there are the others.
they've looked up to rock bottom, they've been to the dark side, they GET IT. (just like the jaded)
but they CHOOSE to shed light.
they share, not to gain pity, but to show redemption.
to say, 'the road is hard, but the journey can be beautiful'.
their past, their dirt, doesn't make you feel dirty but proves that clean, whole, better, feels so good when you've known what the other side is like.
a pinch of this, a bit of that, all thrown in to make them who they have become.
they are seasoned.

m a t t h e w 5:13-16 (msg)

13 “Let me tell you why you are here. You’re here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? You’ve lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage.
14-16 “Here’s another way to put it: You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We’re going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I’m putting you on a light stand. Now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you’ll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.

this verse, and this translation has always kicked me in the gut.
i love it, its straight forward tells us a clear, and practical instruction for what we are called to do.
but it also does just that... calls us to be open , shed light where there is darkness (in the shadows of our community, talk about what no one wants to talk about, call people out on their crap, to share maybe a little more than you're comfortable with, so someone knows they are not alone) 
and then it says if we don't do these things we aren't useful, and become trash! (no thanks)
the "salt-seasoning" part never quite made sense to me.. until recently.
til i met a few of those "seasoned" type, like i described above.  
and then i got it. 
and i wanted it.
i don't want my heart to bleed sour, hurt, or jaded...
i want to take all my hurts, all my pieces, my callused parts everything in my life thats falling apart, thats shattered on the ground and use those things to become seasoning to this earth.  
to shine the biggest flood light i can find.
to share that this is how we PRACTICALLY show Jesus to everyone around us.

that is redemption.
that is showing the enemy that what it took, what it did, wont define what i am, but will show how good He is.

there it is.
plain and simple.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

His eye is on our Sparrow...

Sparrow Song, this sweet, bubbly, kitty loving, tow headed, singing angel, 
She is so so dear to both Luke and me, and this week brings us to the final (of 3) heart surgeries.
Please join us in prayer as we lift her up, and also her parents and family.
There are also other ways you can contribute;

Since Sparrow was born with her defects she was rejected by all insurance agencies for health insurance.  They did manage to get her into a government pool for individuals with special needs.  The pool will assist with a fraction of Sparrow's medical bills, but most likely won't cover much.  In September 2013, Sparrow had a heart catheter lab to determine that she was indeed a good candidate for the Fontan.  She was admitted and dismissed from the hospital all in the same day, but the bill was over $62,000.   - That is one test, one day... if you have any desire to help financially please visit their fundraising site here: DONATE

If you can't help financially but want to send some love, here are some practical things you can help with:
*Age-appropriate movies (DVD's)
*Books & puzzles - the girl LOVES books and puzzles!
*Art & Education - paper, pens, colors, crayons and anything that would assist her in learning how to write her letters, numbers, colors, shapes, etc...  
*Anything with or having to do kitties - she's obsessed. Hello Kitty, stuffed kitties, cats, kittens, lions, tigers, she loves them all.  She sings Katy Perry's "Roar" everyday. ->
*Sparrow has a Leapster Explorer and a Leapster Tag - games and books for both of these devices would be a HUGE help!  They are educational and entertaining.
*Sparrow also loves Squinkies - they're tiny figurines that she collects.
*Flowers, balloons, cards, accessories, and treats
Any items you would like to send to Sparrow, or her family (she also has a pretty cool awesome big brother Noah ) you can send them here: 

401 Hawthorne LaneSuite 110 
#200Charlotte, NC 28204

Join us leading up to (tomorrow) October 16, 2013 praying for peace, (for us all and Sparrow) her doctors, that there would be no surprises during the operation, and the surgery would be smooth and timely.  That there would be absolutely no complications and her recovery would be quick and miraculous.

To donate or to read her whole story click here.
thank you

Monday, August 5, 2013

Rescued from the bushes... and other thoughts on a mysterious God.

We play a roll, wherever we are.
Its our job, its our relationships, its what we do;
assistant, stylist, mom, manager, teacher...
listener, encourager, grace giver, leader...

I serve a God, who is Almighty.
It's who He is, its what He does, its [kind of] unbelievable;
father, comforter,  gentle, righteous, redeemer, restorer...
powerful, mighty, jealous, fierce, fighter, advocate, furious...

Somedays, i dont know what role i am to fill.
I wander around in the dark feeling for something familiar, some sort of bearings to show me the way.
Should i flee or fight, should i press in or back up?
Am i the victim, or the warrior?

Sometimes we hear about the God who healed, or saved.
And sometimes we hear about all the "taking aways" {Job 1:21}

Lately, when i position myself to learn, He teaches.
What if there is something to that?
I am humble.... He is righteous.
I listen.... He speaks.
I need an advocate... He pleads my case.
I run out... He pours out.
I knock.... He answers
I am weak....He is strong.

I'm not saying i have this all figured out... but I'm thinking that sometimes I need a God to rescue me, and i keep hiding in the bushes.
I want Him to pour out his spirit, but my hands are too busy carrying my baggage.

My attitude, my role, affects how I see my savior in [my] situations.

I keep discovering something new about Him.....But its always when something in me changes.

There is so much unknown, so much mystery. It can be frustrating.
But if there is something i do know, it's that He brings light to the dark, He restores, He heals, he makes all things N E W. He takes my brokenness aside and makes it beautiful.
And in the midst of dark times, when i don't know what role I'm filling, or He's filling, i can stand firm in these things.
Because He has been these things to me.
And for that i will spend my days trying to show Him any fraction of the praise He deserves.

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Sour Seasons: It will be ok.

New seasons.
Sometimes they breeze past you before you even have time to switch out your wardrobe, or dust off the air vents.
And sometimes you are prepared. Knowingly, or unKnowingly,  readying yourself for the storm.  I have found myself in a current season of life.  One in which i was unknowingly being prepared.  My heart was pulling the shutters closed, waiting for the winds.
From the inside, it mostly seems like the worst season of my whole existence. But unknowingly the Lord was preparing my heart. Planting little mustard seeds of hope, of faith, of survival.

Im a firm believer in joy.
In,  mister Brightside, my glass is always half full mentality.
I am a happy girl.
It has been my downfall in some circumstances.
I blamed my positive outlook on life when i was unrealistic, a dreamer and too "okay" when life handed me a platter of poop. Seeing it as a coping mechanism that could lead to my downfall.
BUT, I'm learning... daily, that this is a gift. That it strengthens me. My heart would not survive without this.
Sometimes we have to fake it 'til we make it.
Laugh when you feel like crying, fly when you feel like falling.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, when you look at the big picture... sometimes faking your self into believing its true, can be a real treasure.
It pushes you through to your breakthrough.  Forces you to wear those rose colored glasses and find your silver lining.
I pray that i never lose my naive spirit.  That i will pretend to be joyful, each day... 'til i find it.  That i will ACT in love, until i feel it. That i will show compassion 'til i feel compassionate.

This is my truth.
This is my reality.
I'm becoming real good at making lemonade out of life... so i might as well enjoy it.
Taste the sweet and not the sour.
And give thanks to my savior, for holding me together when i should be falling apart.
For reminding me to breathe when the air feels suffocating.
And for that,  I am thankful.

Sunday, June 9, 2013


Chicken and waffles, blood orange kombucha on tap, shot of espresso or a beer... A few reasons this place has been added to my list of favorite places ever.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

though you slay me
i will trust you
though offended
i will cling to you

'cause i want to
be a witness
of your power
and your goodness

"Outlaw" by Mark Mathis