Sunday, July 7, 2013

Sour Seasons: It will be ok.

New seasons.
Sometimes they breeze past you before you even have time to switch out your wardrobe, or dust off the air vents.
And sometimes you are prepared. Knowingly, or unKnowingly,  readying yourself for the storm.  I have found myself in a current season of life.  One in which i was unknowingly being prepared.  My heart was pulling the shutters closed, waiting for the winds.
From the inside, it mostly seems like the worst season of my whole existence. But unknowingly the Lord was preparing my heart. Planting little mustard seeds of hope, of faith, of survival.

Im a firm believer in joy.
In,  mister Brightside, my glass is always half full mentality.
I am a happy girl.
It has been my downfall in some circumstances.
I blamed my positive outlook on life when i was unrealistic, a dreamer and too "okay" when life handed me a platter of poop. Seeing it as a coping mechanism that could lead to my downfall.
BUT, I'm learning... daily, that this is a gift. That it strengthens me. My heart would not survive without this.
Sometimes we have to fake it 'til we make it.
Laugh when you feel like crying, fly when you feel like falling.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, when you look at the big picture... sometimes faking your self into believing its true, can be a real treasure.
It pushes you through to your breakthrough.  Forces you to wear those rose colored glasses and find your silver lining.
I pray that i never lose my naive spirit.  That i will pretend to be joyful, each day... 'til i find it.  That i will ACT in love, until i feel it. That i will show compassion 'til i feel compassionate.

This is my truth.
This is my reality.
I'm becoming real good at making lemonade out of life... so i might as well enjoy it.
Taste the sweet and not the sour.
And give thanks to my savior, for holding me together when i should be falling apart.
For reminding me to breathe when the air feels suffocating.
And for that,  I am thankful.