what are we waiting for.

I love change. i love  seasons. 

 i like when seasons change.

the anticipation of what's to come.  

i love the way fall smells, the way it caresses my skin in the morning.
the bite of the breeze.

But to get to the heart of it, its more of an affair of the wait.   

i love halloween. But it's really only because i  love thanksgiving and christmas. 

I love halloween because its the anticipation, its the pumpkins on your front porch til they rot.  The leaves that somehow always make their way all the way into my kitchen.
the pumpkin flavored.. everything.
I love halloween because it lasts.
thanksgiving is over in a day.
Christmas, usually is a disappointment.
All of this to say, i'm like this in every crevice of my life.
it can be unhealthy.
but it can also be the breath of life.
the excitement in the mundane.
I dont want my future to be christmas.. and all this time im hanging out with halloween.. and needless to say im missing out on my favorite part. see what i mean?
I don't want to be disappointed.

I'm learning balance.
to be a planner.. so there will always be anticipation.
but i wont get disappointed.

I want to be a dreamer, but i also want to live my dreams.
i want to be excited, and not let down.

to have high hopes and to be satisfied.

I know that i sound somewhat crazy.. but this is the way i'm wired.
and its for a reason.
I'm just trying to figure it all out.

c

dreams, thanksgiving, and goodbye fall.

There are some moments in my life, where i have no idea who i am, where im going, or what ive gotten myself into. And then there are other moments. Moments, when i feel like ive found my identity... my purpose, ive recognized the dream im trying to chase, the light at the end of my youthful tunnel. In these moments, i feel inspired, i feel motivated... by my own self, not by someone else's accomplishments, or dreams, or journey.. but of the hope of my own. I love these moments. Today is one of those times... i feel like i know what i wanna be when i grow up.

It's not so much a profession, or a place, Its an ideal, its a philosophy, its a way of life, its what my heart was made for. Now, maybe because im still young, my dreams will change, and its only natural i keep changing my mind, but i know i was created for something special, and i couldn't figure out why i have been so un-motivated with the dream i was currently fulfilling... but its because my purpose runs much deeper. The pages turn, the seasons change, its required to stay interesting.

I'm speaking tacitly, because i feel like its a treasure im keeping for my heart.. i want to protect it. It seems to big to talk nonchalantly about, yet so fitting- it wont surprise most.

And for that, i am thankful.

I am thankful for a God that inspires, and instills creativity in my soul.

Who gives me dreams, and desires.

thankyou.

(thanksgiving 2010- the Hill family)