Sour Seasons: It will be ok.

New seasons.
Sometimes they breeze past you before you even have time to switch out your wardrobe, or dust off the air vents.
And sometimes you are prepared. Knowingly, or unKnowingly,  readying yourself for the storm.  I have found myself in a current season of life.  One in which i was unknowingly being prepared.  My heart was pulling the shutters closed, waiting for the winds.
From the inside, it mostly seems like the worst season of my whole existence. But unknowingly the Lord was preparing my heart. Planting little mustard seeds of hope, of faith, of survival.

Im a firm believer in joy.
In,  mister Brightside, my glass is always half full mentality.
I am a happy girl.
It has been my downfall in some circumstances.
I blamed my positive outlook on life when i was unrealistic, a dreamer and too "okay" when life handed me a platter of poop. Seeing it as a coping mechanism that could lead to my downfall.
BUT, I'm learning... daily, that this is a gift. That it strengthens me. My heart would not survive without this.
Sometimes we have to fake it 'til we make it.
Laugh when you feel like crying, fly when you feel like falling.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, when you look at the big picture... sometimes faking your self into believing its true, can be a real treasure.
It pushes you through to your breakthrough.  Forces you to wear those rose colored glasses and find your silver lining.
I pray that i never lose my naive spirit.  That i will pretend to be joyful, each day... 'til i find it.  That i will ACT in love, until i feel it. That i will show compassion 'til i feel compassionate.

This is my truth.
This is my reality.
I'm becoming real good at making lemonade out of life... so i might as well enjoy it.
Taste the sweet and not the sour.
And give thanks to my savior, for holding me together when i should be falling apart.
For reminding me to breathe when the air feels suffocating.
And for that,  I am thankful.

BREWED; FORT WORTH, TX

Chicken and waffles, blood orange kombucha on tap, shot of espresso or a beer... A few reasons this place has been added to my list of favorite places ever. 

http://brewedfw.com/

He is an endless ocean, a bottomless sea...

though you slay me
i will trust you
though offended
i will cling to you

'cause i want to
be a witness
of your power
and your goodness

"Outlaw" by Mark Mathis

Brush hair, drink coffee, and be thankful.

Inspired by today's letters  and  One thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp I am attempting to pay a bit more attention and acknowledge things around me, and be thankful. Em (from today's letters) writes simple short "love letters" to things, days, people from her week. For me it's a way to remember the good things, when they are always so easily forgotten. There is so much good and beauty in the world, and a lot of times we are only reminded of the sad and bitter parts. Just a way to soften my heart.

dear husband, thank you for taking the car early and filling it up with gas before i had to work... it was a delightful surprise and got my Monday off to a good start, for cleaning the kitchen when i neglected it for days, and surprise planting me colorful daisies. You are so sweet and i love you more than gummy sweet tarts (and thats a whole lot!) dear monday, your warmth (that i was not expecting) the spontaneous cookout with friends and dogs, it makes me happy to be with friends! dear day off, not just coffee, dog park, finishing my spy thriller book, and the chance to clean my bathrooms, I NEEDED YOU! dear rooftop, that breeze, that view, those spaghetti and meatballs, doesn't get much better on a sunday, thanks M&K Perez for hosting. 

Dear desperate, unhappy, or frustrated self.

Sometimes our bitterness our day to day numbness, our desire for "the other side of the fence" makes us forget who we are. We use comparisons...and let it steal our joy. We focus on our unhappiness and forget to serve. We need daily reminders that change, forward motion and happiness starts in us. We are the only one who we can persuade. The crazy cycle we may be drowning in is a science, there is a way out. And it starts with ourselves. A few moments alone can help me remember where I left my inspiration, my silliness my motivation for REAL life. Where exactly my heart began to callus. Where the blisters on my soul began to form. There is beauty in brokenness. Respect is found when we are humble. And we become satisfied when we take a moment to notice... And stop being so desperate.

I don't want the monotony of my days to be the thief of my ambition, the death to my spirit, or the facade to what is really going on inside this heart of mine.

I want to remember. Always remember, who I am in Him, that His grace is enough. Hope is rising, he brings me joy in the morning's newness, and today I can choose which path i will take.

I am thankful for this choice.

These blessings.

Grown up conversations.

I've never ever had that feeling "oh i feel so old"

probably in my whole life.

I have 2 older sisters,

I've never had many friends "my own age"

i married up (almost 5 years)

and at a young age.
(all these things account for me ALWAYS ALWAYS being the youngest around)
(i barely made it in the '80's guys)

So lately when i catch myself talking about Insurance rates, taxes, mutual funds and IRA's,

i realize.... I'm not so "little" anymore.

While discussing our "future" the year 2054 came up and then it hit me...OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel more grown up than i ever have before.

today.

its kinda like on your birthday when your dad or someone asks... 'well do you feel older??'

and usually im like nooooo.

today i do.

Also by even having this conversation (with myself .. bc thats what i feel like my blog is, conversations with myself haha) i think it made me not so grown up.

hah

oh well.

new glasses by: Warby Parker - Mallory